coming of age

i have another year to celebrate in 10 days time,so i find myself deliberating.. ...the jury is out on most things ..
i feel stronger and calmer, and still full of piss and vinegar as my gran would say..

there are some things i no longer WILL do :

jello shots ..or shots with more than 1 kind of booze in
eat crap food
have bad sex
21 yr olds ( see # 3)
drive drunk or with a drunk

some things i no longer CAN do:

jello shots ( major vomitorium and days of hangover)
no passion sex ( just cant do it..its a waste of everyones time)
emigrate to australia ( unless i become a hairdresser apparently)

so the lists are still short which is a bonus and none of the above i miss...
there are still lots of things i want to do...hope to do, dream of doing, those lists grow..

a new older friend (80) ask me yesterday what motivates me.. she said she's tired and wondered what keeps people going .. i told her it's the dreams ..the hope and the love..the spontaneity.. friends old and new...the fact i still want more,dont feel any different ..

i know its a compliment when a younger girl tells me i'm an inspiration but it feels like a slap.. " hope i can be doing this when i'm your age" fuck off and do it now..
stop telling me how amazing i look or am "for my age " wonder if i did that .."wow you look great for 22' would they get it?
as tho we're supposed to stop at 40 and never show a leg again...because were taught other women are competition and they don't want us around with all our knowledge and experience..
get over it ..

happy in my skin ..i am ..would i trade it for a more supple version? hell yes, but not at the cost of giving anything up...
finally figuring out how to sit back and reap the rewards of being older and wiser, still being able to play out and dance all night when the inspiration takes me..knowing when enough is enough,no peer pressure ..bliss..

i have been picking b'days that i wanted to redo the last few years ..ones that first time around didn't make the grade..have been 8,12,16 and 18 again ..this year its 36...the inner child is healed, the women has come of age...now where's that bottle of tequila???

getting what you need

its strange how it works.. getting what you need.. you think that things are not what you want but in reality its all there ..its just about learning to recognise what you need.. to stop pushing away the fruits that the universe offers .. stop fighting against the tide and accepting what arrives.. look more closely at what is in front of you... take a chance and reach out.. i've been " leaving" since i arrived .. allowing small moments but not really engaging.. not allowing myself to be part, for fear of what i would lose again... but losses come along anyway..dont not dare to dream for fear of what may not happen..it hurts for a while, it feels so good to have dreamed a little, to imagine and create ...for this helps manifest other realities,to place in front of you another choice another dream..accept what has not come to pass and allow what is here to breath..i sow the seeds, no one else, it is my life, my choices, even the ones i feel are not made by me ,they are the culmination of my actions.. somehow it was my choice.. listen to your instinct it will lead you to what you need..dont let the ego over ride it..happiness is acceptance ,flow and a little bit of what you fancy ..

glad i am a girl

i am .. glad that is.. i love being a girl.. i love how i feel ..how my emotions are well.. emotional .. out there.
the way my smile can change someones day, break a heart, ease a mind..make someone forget..
i love the way my skin feels, soft and warm..

am glad i think differently to men .. not that its bad,just how we perceive the world... our view points enriching, diversifying, open to discussion and argument.
our differences to be celebrated and welcomed, i like being the fairer sex, we are equal,bringing our own unique abilities, the perfect balance...just as nature intended.

i love that i can bear life,have a human grow inside me,nurtured and safe. feeling the power that comes with that... earth shattering and soul defining.
i love the weakness in me,the vulnerability i feel.. the strength that comes from that acknowledgement.

i enjoy my multi faceted personality having the chance to dress up, down or in what ever i like .. so many options, so little time !

being a girl is wonderful, whilst i empathize at so many women who suffer and have so much strife and pain in their lives.. i have to breath and share my joy and good fortune at my bliss of girldom..
i like being treated like a girl should be, with love and respect, with awe and sometimes confusion,being held and kissed and stroked.

i love to see the smiling faces of my dancing girls,spinning in front of me, lit up with the joy of the music and bodies reeling..
feeling the energy on the dance floor as we all hit the sweet spot..

so if i had a choice would i want to be a boy?..maybe for a day ..just to walk in their shoes for better understanding.. but ...
oh no... i love being a girl.. and a damm fine one at that..

kissed into existence

what is that? you know that feeling,suddenly alive ..like being underwater and coming up for air, your lungs bursting. your whole body recognising the force within...your mind connects the dots and you remember... your memories mixed with all the others, the collective dreams of the past.
i like the idea that we might share our knowledge with all, we are one. a pool of infinite resources just waiting to be reunited. we're just energy, combining, dissipating,flowing.

anias nin wrote "each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born"

we are awakened by each new contact,each love,some trigger is set in motion..lessons learned...kiss me into existence, that i may go on stronger and in light and share my breath....

new blog on the block

am new to this.. that's what most people put as their first line.then after that i lost the will to live.it's bad out there in blogger land.endless people sharing their lives,johnnys first steps, first teeth, first shit..... seriously! what they ate for dinner,where they bought the dinner... the list is freaking endless. the pure inanity of it ,all the emotional intellect of a dead skunk nicely packaged on pretty backgrounds. some,thank god too decorated with flowers and crappy details to be read.
i was hoping for more,maybe i'm missing the point? is it all just about the mundane,the biographies?
so people don't feel so lonely? but your lives are so boring, breeding and sharing..stop it! my eyeballs hurt!
my son ask me " why are you doing this? i don't know anyone who reads blogs"
well considering all the sad shit out there i don't blame them.

home boy not mommas boy

i have a son a wonderful son.. he was the first person i loved more than myself and its a good job or i would have eaten him, several times... that's what stops us .. the love that consumes and then wanes enough for us to let them be.
they do just enough damage to us to let the love change so we can let them go without freaking out everytime they leave the house... "put your coat on your mothers cold"
i dont lie awake any more wondering if hes in a ditch, cos i know he prob is, but he'll be fine. hes 19 where else would he be.. learning to play in the big bad..

i travelled the world .. hitchhiked, got into strange vehicles, stayed in strange houses with even stranger people. i not only survived, i flourished, i grew to extraordinary heights. not one dangerous moment, well maybe one or two... i have an aura of self protection which i think hes inherited.
my parents oh so far away, had no idea and its prob just as well.

i in the western way left home .. was forced to live on my own..unlike the eastern families i saw who shared homes with parents, grandparents and siblings for many years.
why do we think it strange to want our families close? why do we put our old folks in homes ? our children in accommodation?
surely to share our skills, our knowledge, to have on hand babysitters and friends to pitch in share the load.. why do we discourage and disparage this ?
all of us needing our own little boxes taking up space using more resources.
so let them go play in the world but maybe just maybe don't make them feel guilty or useless ..its not a failure to launch ,its another way, that might make a stronger way, an easier way for all.

in our childrens hands

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.