getting what you need

its strange how it works.. getting what you need.. you think that things are not what you want but in reality its all there ..its just about learning to recognise what you need.. to stop pushing away the fruits that the universe offers .. stop fighting against the tide and accepting what arrives.. look more closely at what is in front of you... take a chance and reach out.. i've been " leaving" since i arrived .. allowing small moments but not really engaging.. not allowing myself to be part, for fear of what i would lose again... but losses come along anyway..dont not dare to dream for fear of what may not happen..it hurts for a while, it feels so good to have dreamed a little, to imagine and create ...for this helps manifest other realities,to place in front of you another choice another dream..accept what has not come to pass and allow what is here to breath..i sow the seeds, no one else, it is my life, my choices, even the ones i feel are not made by me ,they are the culmination of my actions.. somehow it was my choice.. listen to your instinct it will lead you to what you need..dont let the ego over ride it..happiness is acceptance ,flow and a little bit of what you fancy ..

home boy not mommas boy

i have a son a wonderful son.. he was the first person i loved more than myself and its a good job or i would have eaten him, several times... that's what stops us .. the love that consumes and then wanes enough for us to let them be.
they do just enough damage to us to let the love change so we can let them go without freaking out everytime they leave the house... "put your coat on your mothers cold"
i dont lie awake any more wondering if hes in a ditch, cos i know he prob is, but he'll be fine. hes 19 where else would he be.. learning to play in the big bad..

i travelled the world .. hitchhiked, got into strange vehicles, stayed in strange houses with even stranger people. i not only survived, i flourished, i grew to extraordinary heights. not one dangerous moment, well maybe one or two... i have an aura of self protection which i think hes inherited.
my parents oh so far away, had no idea and its prob just as well.

i in the western way left home .. was forced to live on my own..unlike the eastern families i saw who shared homes with parents, grandparents and siblings for many years.
why do we think it strange to want our families close? why do we put our old folks in homes ? our children in accommodation?
surely to share our skills, our knowledge, to have on hand babysitters and friends to pitch in share the load.. why do we discourage and disparage this ?
all of us needing our own little boxes taking up space using more resources.
so let them go play in the world but maybe just maybe don't make them feel guilty or useless ..its not a failure to launch ,its another way, that might make a stronger way, an easier way for all.